So I’m obsessed. With this song, the lyrics, Sara Baraeilles….. I have had it on repeat for a year. Recently a friend informed me it was written for the MUSICAL…. WAITRESS. Adapted from the movie which I recently, FINALLY, watched. It all makes sense now. What a wonderful song, good movie and like all good music, you subjectively interpret, it moves you, and means something to you and it feel like it is YOURS.
It's not simple to say
That most days I don't recognize me
That these shoes and this apron
That place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave them
It's not easy to know
I'm not anything like I used be, although it's true
I was never attention's sweet center
I still remember that girl
She's imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won't ask for help
She is messy, but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine
It's not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person and makes you believe it's all true
And now I've got you
And you're not what I asked for
If I'm honest, I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew
Who'll be reckless, just enough
Who'll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up
When she's bruised and gets used by a man who can't love
And then she'll get stuck
And be scared of the life that's inside her
Growing stronger each day 'til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes
That's been gone, but used to be mine
Used to be mine
She is messy, but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine
Songwriter: Sara Bareilles
There have been few other songs I can relate to in such a way. Depending on my mood it can bring me to tears or bring a SMILE to my face. It symbolizes me, my journey, how I feel about myself.... I guess. I got lost for a bit in the struggles of life and made my way back.
Sure – I feel like to have to work a little harder the average bird to make this life what I want it to be. To find the joy. But I do. Every day. Even on the bad ones. This is totally ok – this is my life and I would not trade a thing.
We all deserve this. It doesn’t happen magically. For me it’s about choices and embracing my magic (anxiety). Every day is filled with choices. We do our best to make the best ones for us and our loved ones. I like to think I have confidence in my choices now. Even the not so good ones from way back when I was young and naive. Maybe some are not what YOU would have done. But they are my choices. I own them. I am accountable to my journey. They are part of the ME I am today.
Does that make sense?
I hope it does. It felt timely to write about this today as I have just come out of 5 week of Summer Track out with the kiddos which was filled with tons of fun, vacations, time with family and friends..... and all while struggling to adjust to some new life changes. Now – I am in “let down” mode as the excitement is over but life is still real good. While I am adjusting to a new phase of life it’s still ALL GOOD. Because I make the choices and I embrace them.
Yes – I am hard on myself.
I used to be broken and not ask for help.
But I am reckless, just enough
I get hurt, but I toughen up
I am stronger each day
I hope this resonates with ya’ll and offers a little motivation for today and the days to come. Be the best version of yourself everyday. I m still a work in progress and that suits me just fine.
Question: (WAITRESS reference) If you were to make a pie that is symbolizes YOU what would you name it?
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